Subject: What it's like being me
Hi, Mom -
Thought you might get a kick out of this.
I went to see a movie this afternoon with my friend, Ann. About half way through the movie, I started feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom, which I ignored because I'd just gone as soon as I'd gotten to the movie theatre, right before the movie started. But it got worse & worse, and I kept thinking what in the world did I drink today to make me need to pee so bad? I hadn't!!! Besides, the movie was too good & I was afraid I'd end up missing just the best part. Finally, though, I felt like I truly was going to burst if I didn't go immediately. Just then, Ann whispered into my ear, "I've really got to go to the bathroom bad." I whispered back, "Me, too, but I'm afraid I'll miss something." She said, "If I don't go, I'm gonna burst!" And she scooted out of there. As soon as she was gone, I didn't need to pee anymore.
After the movie, we went to the restaurant next door. When I went to wash my hands, I thought, well, let's see if it was me after all. Sat on the toilet & tinkled a few drops. Weren't me!
Now, how's that for empathy!
My mother wrote back:
Like wow!
I would suggest you don't go to the hospital with a friend who's in labor!
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A new friend wrote me this email:
Sent: Sunday, August 29, 2004 10:17 AM
Hi Colleen,
Hafta run on to the next birthday episode (a hike), so will respond more fully to your email later, but i felt compelled to quickly tell you about my morning (or part of it). Among the birthday phone calls, two were from friends who are newly dealing with cancer, both of whom are seeking counsel about just letting it run its course vs doing the whole invasive western approach. While speaking with my very close and longtime friend XX, i felt a golden, or more to the point, equanimous, glow behind me which i associated with you....
I responded:
At a few minutes before 10 a.m., I was walking across UNM campus to Anapurna Restaurant, just enjoying the glorious day, and all of a sudden I stopped there in my path and spontaneously raised both of my hands as I would to do in a healing and connected with you so instantly it almost bowled me over. I felt all this healing energy moving out of me and into me, like we'd created this universe of healing energy between the two of us. I opened my eyes before it was "done" and walked on, knowing it would continue. Thank you for including me in that moment. I'm off to a yoga class now, but I felt so compelled to stop at home first to check my email. I'm glad I did!
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March 19, 2003
I got confirmation today that my natural state is, as I’ve always said, meditation. In the EEG reading with Larry Garwood, he asked that for six minutes I just be in “my normal state.” Ah, I thought, my chance to see what my normal is. So for the six minutes, I just was.
Afterwards, Larry commenting on my brain wave patterns said (obviously impressed), “You were in a nice deep meditative state that held constant for the full six minutes.” He said my brain waves had a nice balance between all four states, with a predominance of alpha and theta. He said there was enough beta, enough delta – “Just real balanced: a healthy brain.” When I told him I hadn’t been meditating, he couldn’t believe it. We decided it would be fun to see what my brain would look like if I were meditating, and we’re also going to measure me in the Joy state, too.
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December 9, 2003
Traveling with Rick from the Outer Banks, he says something about wishing he knew his mother was still around; I, of course, have been feeling her presence since he arrived (or before). So I dip in to see what she’d say to him. I get an impression like a V of energy coming up, bursting up from his heart, spreading out over his chest, up to his chin: like being lit up all of a sudden. I describe this to Rick as I ask if he can think of times he’s had this experience. I’m thinking that what his mother’s saying is I should help him find out what give him joy, steer him there. But he surprises me and says that yes, he’s been having these inexplicable feelings that come out of nowhere. He can never figure out what’s causing them, but it’s just intense bliss/joy/happiness. It hits me like a eureka. She's nudging me: "This is what I was trying to say." She wants me to tell him that that joy is her calling card. When I do tell him this, he says that it would be great if it were true.
On some level, does he know it’s true? Does his “skepticism” only run so deep? I mean, this is an interesting example of what he and I were talking about before that – how souls give evidence. I couldn’t have known about these moments of inexplicable joy that would just come over him. She gives me information in just a good enough way that when I describe it, he knows exactly what I’m talking about (even if I don’t!). And yet, his response is the one that’s so typical of people: I’d like to believe.
I didn’t say more. I figured it would filter through eventually.
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Last night as B. and I were leaving a party (at about 1:20 a.m.!) I handed him the keys, as he was driving. He opened the door, put things in, but didn’t get in – instead walked a ways away to pee in the field (must have been cool to see the stream in the Full Moon moonlight – the first FM on Halloween in 48 years the host had said). Back in the car, B. couldn’t find the keys. Finally I suggested we get out and look. I said, “What did you do with them when you went to pee?” I’m getting out of the car as I say this, looking away from the car to the place on the ground where he’d peed, thinking maybe he’d dropped them; I’d go look. But into my mind pops an image of setting them on the roof of the car in the dark; I'm seeing this from his perspective, looking across the car toward the field. B. at this moment is saying, “I don’t remember.” I turn & there the keys sit, just as I saw them. What fascinates me is that it’s almost as though I accessed the part that he would have accessed if he were hypnotized. How could his psyche outpicture this so I could see it and yet he couldn’t even at the moment he’s imaging it with this part of his being? I find this eclipsing by the conscious mind so utterly fascinating.
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Hi Colleen
. . . . The accuracy of your reading of my health conditions was startling!! You suggested that I check out my thyroid function which I dismissed at the time since I had been on thyroid supplementation since 1978 and thought I had the right dose. Also you pointed out that my spine had a block of some kind about mid-back that was causing the energy not to flow freely and that my skull was sitting on the top of my spine too tightly. Not to be so smug that I wouldn't check out the suggestions, I saw the chiropractor just a couple of days later without telling him what you had pointed out. He adjusted my back first then did cranial sacral work on my neck. After he finished, I told him of your diagnosis and he was quite surprised at how you "saw" all that and asked for your name and number. He also tested my thyroid level and it, too, was found to need more supplementation. WOW!!! I'm glad to refer others since you have been so right on . . .
Love and Blessings to you from Mary
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In my dream the morning of September 9, 2001, I was driving down a city street with skyscrapers towering over me. I woke just as I almost ran into an old car because I was looking up at the sky and thinking, “The sky is falling.” There was something in the sky I was watching; I was trying to remember what it was. . . . The car I almost crashed into is a late 50s, early 60s job I think. Big with taillights that look like this [drawing shows two rectangles that tilt in, like bricks] slanting up. And the trunk had a slightly compressed and rounded look.
Then I dozed off again for a second, and I was sitting at an intersection and that car came by from the left and I almost pulled in front of it. It was a tan color, maybe two-tone. Buick Biscayne? Something like that. A big car. Maybe a 70s car. As I woke from that tidbit, I commented to myself I’m just intent to get hit by this car. . . . It’s old, compact, beige-y (bland), big, powerful (V-8), gives no warning lights which is why I almost plow into it.
On September 10th I wrote in my journal, ‘there’s something coming! Something BIG.” In the last week and a half before that, I’d been filled with an excitement that something HUGE was coming. As I’d said to the man in my life when I’d first gotten this feeling, “It’s going to happen next Tuesday or Wednesday.” New York came into my mind, and I said, “It’s like my agent’s going to call and tell me my book has sold. It’s like that, but that’s not it. Whatever it is, it’s going to change my life in an instant” – I snapped my fingers – “and nothing’s ever going to be the same after that!”
After the Trade Towers bombing, I wondered if I'd been tapping into the terrorist's excitement. I talked to many people about this. One person had an interesting take on it. Trained as a scientist, she said, “You’re an empath. You pick up energetic states of being in your body, and I figure that’s all this is. Before change there's always excitation – like with water as it comes to a boil before the H2O molecule breaks apart, releasing oxygen in the steam.”
The year before the Trade Towers attack, I'd dreamt of Arabs sneaking into New York City, sand rolling out around them . . .
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November 20, 1999
At the Paranormal Experiences Group, Lauren M. asked me what I’d been doing on Wednesday at about 5:15 p.m. I looked at my calendar and said I’d been having an Out-of-Body during a cranial-sacral acupuncture treatment. “I thought so!” she said, and launched into telling how she’d been driving down the road at that very time when, all of a sudden, my presence was there with her. She said I so bowled her over by the love she felt coming to her from me that she had to pull over. It was very, very loving. Then she said she got en-lightened (head zapped was the image I got – her head filled with light and love). It was very beautiful to hear her talk of it, and it was funny because at 5:30 when my acupuncture session ended, I had said to Barbara, the acupuncturist, “Whew, I don’t know where I just went, but I was gone, gone, gone.” I had no memory of this – nor of the many other incidents like this that people have reported to me over the years. So maybe my life is just one big OBE.
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I was visiting a Native American museum in the Four Corners area of New Mexico. A group had gathered to dance, and it was unlike anything I’d ever seen (or seen-felt, to be more accurate) – just a slow, pulsing step in a heartbeat rhythm. The non-Native Americans were asked to join the circle, and I did. At first I felt awkward, but then I did what I do best – I entered the body of the Native American next to me and felt how her energy was below her belly buttons. Merging with her, joining my energy to hers, the steps flowed through me as though I’d always done them. Soon I was in an absolute trance state, moving effortlessly. Afterwards, that woman made a point of coming up to me. “You dance very well,” she said, and then added, “Like us.”
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